Manage expectations. Don’t ask why they left. Ask what you can do to enhance the experience

Whether it’s a company, a church, a social media group and anything that is being led or managed by someone, people get upset when someone leaves. The immediate reaction is Why did you leave? What happened? Is it too much for you? Did I do something to offend you? While any one of those questions may be the reason the person left, some may feel awkward at being truly transparent in their answers. Permit people to leave without questioning them. Now some may say, but wouldn’t you want to know why they left? Yes, of course. That’s the natural reaction but again, you may not receive a transparent answer.

I still believe, and have witnessed in my own experience of leading groups/teams of women, and training others to do the same, asking after the fact is not the way to manage expectations. You won’t meet everyone’s expectations but you can, to the best of your ability, manage expectations. You do that by asking questions on the frontend not on the backend. In other words, provide detailed information and ask the right questions during the process not after they have left. I will give you a few questions at the end that I use, but first I want to share two stories with you.

Can you see yourself in one of these experiences?

Many years ago I worked in Corporate America in NY. I was asked to fill in for a Supervisor who went on maternity leave a week earlier than expected. I had to supervise my area and hers until they brought in a replacement for her. While I knew her department and the expectation of the work, I didn’t know the people she led. I didn’t go into the department with guns blazing — giving orders, changing procedures, rearranging lunch hours, asking a million questions, etc. Instead, I went in with the attitude of, I’m here to serve you. I want to get to know you. I asked them to meet me in my office in 15 minutes and feel free to bring their coffee cups. I was already making them feel comfortable (managing expectations). Once in the meeting, I introduced myself and told them a little bit about myself and I asked to hear about each of them. It was a team of 10. I did this rather than just jumping into taking the lead. They knew I was there as their Supervisor. I didn’t have to push my weight around. I wanted them to know we were on this team together to accomplish the work (managing expectations). I asked them if there was some way I could make the experience good for them during this transition? I told them, I’m here to assist you in doing what you already know to do and if I can help you to do it easier, better or more efficiently, I’ll offer that to you. (Yep, managing expectations). Immediately, they respected me and the role I was temporarily filling for their boss. Those men and women worked hard. I ended up covering for a month. It wasn’t easy because I had to cover my area as well, but I managed expectations with the personnel in both areas and we worked very well together.

Have you ever had that experience? Have you been the Lead coming in or the person experiencing a new Leader? What was the experience like? Is there something that you would have liked to see done differently?

I joined a social media group a few years ago. The person who headed up the group had an administrator to manage the group for her. From the start it was disorganized and confusing. The admin posted 5 to 8 times per day so I had notifications popping into my Email throughout the day. She asked loads of questions for us to participate in but she didn’t ask the right questions. The engagement was virtually non-existent. She asked for our email address and began to email people who weren’t engaging in the group as often as she requested. I know she met well but her style was exhausting. It felt imposing and often like a drill seargent. The actual leader was barely present so her admin did the work. People however, came into the group because we felt connected to the Leader. Most of us didn’t know the Admin. People began to leave the group. I reached out to the woman who originally invited me to the group to let her know my concerns. She disagreed. Her personal connection to the Admin hindered her ability to see the needs of the people in her group. Shortly thereafter, I prayed for her and I left the group. I didn’t hear from her for a long time.

She reached out to apologize for being disagreeable with me and not hearing my concerns. Her group fell apart. She closed the group and the traction she had with her blog that caused her to open a private FB group had also diminished significantly. I felt so bad for her. She realized that the person she had as administrator over her group didn’t know how to manage expectations nor was that person truly a leader. You may have a skill set but that doesn’t make you a leader. That’s a blog post for another day.  Again, the keyword is managed not meet.

We will never be able to meet everyone’s expectations but we can work to manage expectations.

An example in this situation is I asked her to poll her group or reach out privately to her members to get some feedback especially since they were leaving her group. I had stayed as long as I did because I wanted to support her but I knew the Admin was not the right person to lead her group. She is still two years later rebuilding her online presence to what it used to be. She’s a sweet person and I’m sure with the lessons she has learned, she will rebuild.

That’s the horror and beauty of serving people. Yes, I said horror. The horror is that sometimes we don’t get it right and the beauty is GRACE to build again!

Can you relate to that story? Are you experiencing that now or in the past, in your business, ministry, church, online group or team? Don’t wait to lose people before you start asking the right questions. And before you begin a team or group, manage expectations.

I’ve provided 5 points below. There are many more that I provide to my clients through my coach-consulting services, and that I actively use in the groups I lead but here are 5 to begin to evaluate for your own groups or teams.

1. Provide details upfront so that people understand clearly what you are providing to them or requesting of them.
2. Don’t make assumptions. Ask if there are questions or concerns upfront.
3. As you engage in the group or with the team, be aware of yourself (your behavior, what you say, how you’re saying it. Is what your requesting aligning with what you originally presented to the group or team? Or have you shifted without explanation or with assumption?
4. A good leader doesn’t just rally the team or just give directives. A good leader learns the dynamic of the team, involes them in the goal(s), manages expectations, makes themselves available, and learns how to use the dynamics of the group most efficiently.
5. Always ask periodically, What can I/we do to make the experience better for you? Then be OPEN to the feedback. It’s not personal. It’s met to reach the goal you have for the team or group you are leading.

If you use any of these give me feedback. I’d love to know how it’s working for you. If you need help with your group or team, online or off-line, let me know how I may support you. Click HERE to contact me.