Virtue has come. I am a whole woman.

Woman. Daughter. Virtue has come.

Lonely girl on a chair

Born, not in love but in haste and carelessness
A soul that cries to be loved and wanted
Who is she? Who is she who cries in the dark and smiles in the day?
Who is she? Who is she whose tears stain the pillow at night?
Hot snot flowing down to the top of her lips.
Eyes clouded with wells of water.
Heart crunched in pain.
Muscles tightened like the bolts on the wheel of a car
Her soul cries, where are you? Where have you gone?
I never knew. I never knew you.

Woman. Daughter.
Woman. Daughter.
Do you want to be whole?

Once,

The words lingering in the air
Ringing of her ears.
Too hard to face. While others run their race.

Woman. Daughter.
Woman. Daughter.
Do you want to be whole?

They sung, I am woman hear me roar but the words run out of her like liquid paint thick with an aroma.
Those words don’t easily apply. Why?
Because the primer had not been used.
Her soul still lay chipped, sunken in at parts, gashes, nicks, holes where screws had been. It’s not a roar from courage but a roar from pain

Then,

He stepped in and said, I am He who loves you.
An everlasting love I wrap around you as Sunshine wraps your body on a warm day
Walk with Me.
Learn of Me.
Ah the warmth of His love I cannot explain.
Warmer than the blanket of sunshine after a cool, hard rain.
Warmer than the down-coat wrapped around me in the snow

Woman. Daughter.
Woman. Daughter.
Do you want to be whole?

Pain, shame, guilt, despair, confusion and fear then.
You could hear her soul like bare feet walking across a dry, old wooden floor.
You could see what the years of pain had done to her core.
Isolated, bruised and battered within.
She didn’t know that she could win.
Never a genuine friend who truly cared.
Never long-lasting. They never remained.
Perhaps their own pain was their gain.
Never a sister to laugh or cry; to share the trials, triumphs or to ask why.

Woman. Daughter.
Woman. Daughter.
Do you want to be whole?

Give Me your soul.
Give Me your tears.
Give Me your cares.
For I do care.
For I am near.
For I do see and I do hear.
Your pain is just.
Your trials were many.
But what I have for you spreads out beyond what you’ve tasted and seen thus far.
Open the door.
Let Me back in.

Wrestle through the days, weeks, nights and years.
Wrestle with the One who truly cares.
Wrestle to surrender to the embrace of His love for she did not know that she was worth it.
Wrestle like Jacob and don’t let go.
Wrestle like the tears of Leah who was never loved.
Wrestle like Tamar, David’s daughter, whose innocence was stolen as her being was violated.
Wrestle like Sarai who wasn’t sure–Can it be me? Will my womb bring forth the promise or is it too late?
Wrestle like Hannah to break through in prayer.
Ah yes, there’s a Deborah warrior within. You know how to fight. You fight well. You fight solid.
You never back down till the battle is won.  You go in with the attitude that I will fight to the end.
Some say, she’s too serious, aggressive, and strong—Girl, it don’t take all of that to live well at all.
Her heart longed for so long to be loved that she sees not color, shape nor size but women who need to win the prize.
She’s a warrior no doubt. Pity party was not her game but a guarded heart wore her pain.  She knew she had to fight for the calling was strong.
Her life was not just her own.  He had a mission for her to tap other weary souls.
The day would come. Somehow in the midst of her own pain, she must have known.
Warring for the wholeness of the souls of women—even when the enemy thinks he won.
Without apology. Without delay.
She quickens to pray.
He knows the needs and the names she says. Her responsibility and honor is to pray.
She couldn’t hear His words once or even then but He never gave up pursuing her heart for He called her to win!

Woman. Daughter.
Woman. Daughter.
Do you want to be whole?

Forsaken is what she knew like salt poured on the skin of a slug.
Forsaken is what she knew like a used car on the side of the road vandalized by thief’s.
Forsaken is what she knew like a dumpster overrun with the stench of day’s garbage.
Forsaken is what she knew like flies swarming around horse mess.
Forsaken is what she knew like a lost worn tennis shoe off the side of the road.

But then,

His Virtue walked through town.
His Virtue stepped into her car one work day morning.
His Virtue pulled her over to the parking lot of that roller rink.
His Virtue was waiting like a Well–so full–waiting for her to bring the basket to draw from it.
Tears came down her face.
Hot snot. Familiar to her for a life-time it seemed.
Eyes that could no longer see for the wells of water that overflowed from it.
Tightened cheeks. Squinted eyes. A closed soul. The fight was on.
But Virtue was in town.  Sure ’nough Virtue was in her car that morning.
The One she knew in name and heart but she felt too shamed to walk the part.
He was standing ready and able.
Let it come up.
Let it pour out.
I have not forsaken you.
I will never leave you.
When you were forsaken I was still there.
Gasp.  Fists bang the steering wheel.
Holding the pain so deep within.  Like a volcano that has no choice but to erupt.
There came from the belly of her soul like a pressure cooker overdue on its wait.
Lid off and out came the wail.
All the years.  All the pain.
Hot words mixed with hot pain and shame.
Out it came.
She, who knew Him–had given her life to Him early on.
She who had wrestled with the shame and pain of that which had been done to her body and soul in youth.
She who made additional choices that bore the consequence of more pain–now she could touch Virtue and give it all to Him.

The cries and the wails of pain and shame, she gave to Him.
The cries and the wails of feeling unloved and worthless, she gave to Him.
The cries and the wails of having been forsaken by those who should have kept her safe, she gave to Him.
She had missed a love relationship with her Abba Father for she did not know Him as such.
Trusting in that role didn’t come easy to her soul.
She had missed a friendship with her King. She knew Him as Savior but not fully as Lord.
Trusting in total submission and surrender didn’t come easy to her soul.

But that day Virtue had come.
Virtue stopped by that car that day.
Virtue was right on time.
Virtue knew her name.
Virtue loved her with an everlasting love.
She had touched Virtue and her issues were drying up. Healing was taking place.
A new day had dawned.

Now,

Years gone by and at times tears still come but Virtue is her best friend.
Ah the pain now is that of belly laughs with her husband until her face hurts.
That’s a good pain.
She can walk with her head held high not having to say, I am woman hear me roar
Rather she’s lives, I am woman hear me pray.
She’s given herself away.
She gives herself away every day.
Every day to the Man that gave Himself for her.
She never forgets Virtue for she has the pleasure of His divine company throughout her days.
He’s there. He’s near. He sees and He cares.

She touched the Well. Like stepping outside into the sunshine after the rain.
She touched the Well.  Like fresh rain being held in the tender fold of a maple leaf.
She touched the Well.  Like dew in the mornings.
She touched the Well. Like the smell of a new born puppy.
She touched the Well.  Like a baby’s head nestled under your chin.
She touched the Well. Like a smile from God through Heaven’s clouds.
She touched the Well. She rested at His feet.
And then, she drank of Him.
He filled her cup.
He quenched her thirst.
He called to her soul…

Woman. Daughter.
Woman. Daughter.
Do you want to be whole?
Yes Lord Jesus. Yes, I want to be whole.
Her journey continues to the end.
The years have been brighter.
The days not as long.
The laughter has outweighed the tears.
The prayers have overwhelmed the fears.
Word has brought healing to many parts of her.

During many years…

She asks as He taught.
Woman. God’s Daughter.
Woman. God’s Daughter.
Do you want to be whole?

Her journey continues.
Her mission not yet complete to see every woman know that Virtue has come for her. Woman. Daughter. You can be whole.

Grass

Her hand in His.
Her heart in His.
Her life in His.
She raises her head each day to say, it’s Morning and Son-shine has come. I am a whole woman.
By: Lisa Shaw @www.LisaShawCares.com
Copyright – All Rights Reserved

28 Responses to Virtue has come. I am a whole woman.

    • Elaine,

      Thank you my friend for your visit, time and warm embrace. I am off to do just that…rest and breathe. While I can’t have a physical rest with the preparations for the birthday party for my youngest granddaughter today, my soul is at rest indeed with our God.

      Love you.

  1. What a wonderful telling of a life’s story Lisa! This was so moving and honest, and I hope it will be shared with so many who will see the hope in these words. I’m so glad that God has freed you. You are one beautiful woman my friend.

    Love you!
    Sonja

    • Aww, thanks my dear friend Sonja. Your encouragement has always meant so much to me, and even more, our friendship. I love you. Asking God to bless you and your family abundantly, above and beyond what you’d even think or ask.

  2. Oh my Lisa, what a testimony! You knew Him as Savior but not fully as Lord. But now instead of saying “I am woman hear me roar” I love that you wrote “I am woman hear me pray”. God never left you even when you moved away from Him. As you know, I have a similar testimony of coming to know His as Savior at an early age but not until many years later as Lord. His grace and mercy is so amazing, isn’t it? You are such a beautiful transparent loving woman of God Lisa. God is using you in a mighty way and I am praying for you friend.

    I love you!

    Debbie

    • Amen Debbie!! Indeed, He never leaves us even we stray away for a season. His hand of mercy lingers close. Thank you precious friend for your warmth and encouragement. So glad we both belong to Him and have the privilege of seeing His grace and mercy on both of our lives.

      You’re a precious friend and a powerful woman of God. Love you and still praying…

  3. Oh sweet friend!! What an incredible story of God’s beautiful grace in you! How I love “I am woman, hear me pray…” Thank you for bearing your precious soul. What encouragement to mine! Love you dearly!

    • Amen my friend–God’s beautiful grace is definitely a story to be told. “I am woman hear me pray” is a chapter in the book I’m currently writing. 🙂 Thank you for visiting with me and sharing your heart in God. Love you much!

  4. OH Lord Lisa, thank you for doing what the lord laid on your heart in the mist of you doing or taking the time to write what was on your heart. Victorious Women ,This touched my heart, it felt like I was right there. I am who you say I am, Enjoy your gran baby party. Thanks again for sharing ,I am whole because God care.. Love ya

  5. Oh my my eyes just welled up in tears as I read. I love the way the story progress from a woman who roars to a woman who prays.

    mmmh His virtue stepped in the car.
    When I read He’s there. He’s near. He sees and He cares. it really touched me because that is what my husband taught our two babies to remember…remember that God is there, God see, God’s here, and God cares with their little hand signs with it.

    Thank you Lisa this was an amazing blessing. Thanks for letting me in on it!

  6. Oh, my goodness, Lisa…this is more than just a powerful testimony! It’s a beautiful victory song! You can see and feel all the passion that was poured into these words…I am bookmarking this now…

    Especially loved the analogy of the “primer”…

  7. “Woman. Daughter. Do you want to be whole?” Lisa this is power and beauty combined. I read this with tears, watching the transformation of a life broken to a woman whole. This is a living example of God granting beauty for ashes.

  8. Thank you Lisa, this is beautiful and I would like to share it with others if that is alright with you. God bless you sister!!

    • Thank you Johnne for visiting and for the sweet words. Yes, please share but please share the entire link to the blog post and others can visit directly, as opposed to copy/paste etc.I pray all will be blessed. God bless you too and thanks again! Hugs.

Share your thoughts?

Copyright © 2015 Lisa Shaw Cares

Customly-Created-with-Care-by-Noelle-Mena