She didn’t come to Sunday service. I only saw her at mid-week service. I would often roam my eyes around the room looking for her. For some reason this woman was on my heart. She would sit middle to the back of the church with her little boy. She was a pretty woman who would smile when she’d see me but most of the time her eyes gave a different story of what her life had been. She knew all the Christian words and slogans to use to let me know she was “saved and serving God” but her eyes told me that behind those Amen’s and blessed and highly favored statements, life had beat at her heart and pieces of her heart lay in disarray all over the floor of her life.
I prayed for her as she came to mind.
Whenever I saw her I offered a sisterly hug, a warm smile and a kind word. I prayed for discernment in my approach to her because I could sense that behind the smiles and appropriate Christian words was a woman who didn’t trust easily; a woman who’s guard was up and if necessary she’d come out fighting to protect her heart from further pain. I understood that walk completely.
The day came.
Mid-week Service and I heard my name being called across the lobby. I turned around and there she stood with her son in hand. Tears streaming down her face as the words spilled from her lips, “I was violated by my step-father growing up and my mother did nothing about it. Some of the family knows about it but everyone acts like nothing ever happened. I can’t stand dealing with them anymore and pretending to be family. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know how I really feel right now other than just mad as hell at him, at her, at myself and maybe even at God a little. Can you help me?” I can still hear her words from so long ago, played over and over again in my mind. Even as I type this, I can see her face and more importantly feel and hear the pain pouring out of her heart.
A friend of mine approached and thankfully D. felt comfortable enough with allowing my friend to take her son to the other side of the lobby while we spoke privately. There is much that the Lord gave me to share with D. (keeping her name private), that night. We sat there until the church just about cleared out. She cried. I poured into her every ounce of God’s love and His Word that I could. I held her hand. At times she sunk her make-up filled beautiful face into my knit top as she cried more. She had years of pain to release through those tears and through her words. I held her tight and prayed over her because I understood that pain all too well. I understood how it felt to tell and be disbelieved, to then keep silent and be phoney to keep up appearance for friends and the public. I understood the shame she carried and the total disgust that made her want to vomit whenever she had to be in that persons presence, and kept her angry and hurting inside behind the smiles and the doings of every day life. I understood how she told herself it was her fault somehow as the pain regurgitated out of her soul and how afraid she had been to really go public…FEAR ruled! I understood her pain, her life as if we walked it hand-in-hand.
But I also remember the day that I had to really give the pain to God and move on and I wanted her to know that type of healing. The day that I had to completely embrace the truth which I also poured into D. and that was, when others have forsaken you, GOD HAS NOT forsaken you. When you feel forgotten by others, GOD HAS NOT forgotten you. He will take you in as His child and the kind of love He offers to you is pure. He will not hurt you, disrespect, violate, mistreat, abuse, lie to or lie on you. He will not abandon you. He will not dismiss you. He will not make you feel unimportant. He will not misuse you. He will never ask you to lie or expect you to cover up sin. Oh no, no! He is GOD! Sovereign, Holy, Righteous and His love, faithfulness, mercy and grace is abundant.
I began to feel D’s body relax. Tissues were coming out of everywhere as people walked by smiling warmly, praying quietly, offering a gentle squeeze on her shoulder or a pat on her arm as they walked by us and allowed the Holy Spirit to minister to her through me. I held on to D and let her know that God was holding her through me because He loved her so much.
That day began a healing process for D. This can be the day your healing process begins. Grab your bible and go to Psalm 27:10. I love it in the Amplified version. Pray and talk to God about the pains from your past or present. Don’t be ashamed or afraid to speak to Him. He loves you and wants to heal you. And the truth is, He is the only one who can really heal you from the pain because anything else, anyone else is a surface healing but God’s touch is a deep healing that gets down to the core of the pain. When you give the pain to JESUS He will wrap around you as a warm blanket and dig up and dig out every lie satan has spoken to you to make you feel ashamed, unworthy or not wanted. There is nothing in the world like the healing salve of Jesus’ touch. He loves you. Time to be healed so that you can live the full life He has for you.
Psalm 147:3 (AMP) He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [curing their pains and their sorrows].
One of the things I shared with D. was about forgiveness which is critical to our healing. I will share that in a different post. It may not sound exactly the way you think I’ll share it. Come on back and read. Sign up in the Subscribe area at the bottom of LisaShawCares.com so that you can receive future posts to bless you.
Praying you have an exceptional year in God,