By Tammy Rude
For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins. (Colossians 1: 13-14 NLT)
This evening was no different then any other night as my daughter and I stood side by side sharing the water basin in our small, yet perfect bathroom. Taking off our makeup (which we hate doing) was a little time consuming, but time well spent together. I loved spending time with Sydney. Even during our “face washing marathon” you would find us laughing, sometimes making faces in the mirror or just talking about life’s struggles.
As the marathon was coming to a close, Sydney patted her face dry while glancing one more time in the mirror before exiting from the bathroom. As for me, I had a little more work that needed to be done before calling it night. With the last splash to my face, I heard her sweet voice softly whisper “Mommy, I love you so very much…Goodnight!”
Those were familiar words, but this night it felt different. This night, they took my breath away. They were words spoken of a perfect love that only Jesus could allow me to feel. Closing the door behind her, I heard another voice deep within my soul; it was a gentle, well-known voice, saying… “Tammy, now that’s what forgiveness feels like.”
I started wrestling with those words that I had just encountered.
How could she love me so much after years of throwing angry words at her? What about the times she wanted to be held, yet all I would do was push her to the side? Remember the time I left her and her dad? Where was the love of her mother then, when she needed me?
But God knew all about the ‘buts’. We had dealt with them years ago, when I finally stopped manipulating the truth of my abortion. Because of the abortion, all of my guilt, bitterness, shame and anger had been hurled towards my daughter. I thought “if I wasn’t willing to love and protect my child that I instead had aborted, how could I possibly be worthy of Sydney’s love.”
Pushing her away was the answer. Making her hate me, isn’t that what I deserved?
On this winter evening, He wanted me to know ALL was forgiven, that our relationship was restored. Jesus had died for my secret sin. Now it was time to receive the perfect love only He could place in Sydney’s heart towards me. God brought forth the words that came from my daughter’s lips, to fill my soul and quench the longing of knowing she has forgiven me.
Laying my head on the pillow that night, I closed my eyes and felt the words Sydney spoke as they embraced my heart with forgiveness.
Oh my friend, do you feel like God or someone you love hasn’t forgiven you because of something you did?
Would you consider prayerfully seeking God to show you why is it so hard to know that you are forgiven…I promise, He will answer.
Tammy Rude is a wife, mother, and women’s leader who is living a restored, Christ-centered life. Tammy speaks and writes with transparency using lessons learned through her struggles with marriage, motherhood, depression, and ultimately through her victory by God’s redeeming power. She enthusiastically presents practical Bible-centered solutions to the problems every woman and family face. Her tender yet firm style challenges listeners and readers to lay down excuses and confront personal obstacles in the power available to them through Jesus Christ. Connect with Tammy at her blog Not Mine but God’s Story or on facebook.com/tammyrude