I Have Two, No…Three

I invite you to read Tammy’s personal and powerful and tender testimony for…

Woman walking cross country and trail in autumn forestBy Tammy Rude

Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” (John 4:23-24 NIV)

Along life’s journey, I’ve been presented with the question of how many children I have and the answer has always been two. However, this particular evening, about four years ago, I was standing with my friend and her mother (which I just met) in the lobby of a church when that very “question” came.

With a bit of hesitation, I answered, “I have two children.” Immediately, the Holy Spirit nudge came, “You don’t have two children, but three. Go ahead and tell her the truth.” “There is no way she is going to understand if I tell her the truth!” Was my comeback to what I was told. “She doesn’t have too, but you need to acknowledge your child. You need to live in truth. Go ahead, I AM with you.”

I didn’t understand. I was scared to death. Yet, I stopped in the middle of my sentence and said, “Well, that’s not totally true. You see, I have three children: a son 28, a daughter 17 and a one who died…” Before I could get to the end of the sentence, she responded, “Oh.”

I took a deep breath and explained that I chose to have an abortion with great regret. The expression on her face was telling me she was trying to comprehend to what she had just heard, so I continued, “…I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I can’t deny my child’s existence anymore, I hope you understand.” With a half smile on her face, she whispered, “Well, I’m sure at the time you didn’t know what to do.”

The conversation ended with a hug and both of us saying, “It was nice meeting you and have a safe trip home.”

Walking back to my car, I was still confused as to why I had to go there. Yet, in the same moment, I was relieved knowing I didn’t have to hide him, Christian Daniel, anymore when the “question” was presented. I had overcome another big step through the power of Jesus.

They triumphed over him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony; (Revelation 12:11a NIV)

On the way home, God tenderly let me know it was important for me to validate my child’s life. Because you see, my friend who I was with had just finished going through the post-abortion bible study with me as her mentor. She knew my story and she had learned the importance to be honest about our abortion(s) because when we don’t, shame has a way of creeping back into our lives.

I’ve been given the privilege to mentor women like myself in this area for over 7 years. Throughout this ministry, Jesus has walked with me every step of the way and I’ve seen His amazing grace heal many broken hearts.

When sharing my next step to healing in this testimony of mine, women often say, “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be that open about my abortion(s).” That’s when I gently reply, “All I can say is, if He speaks to your heart in this area just say “Yes.””

Over the next few months, I’ll be letting you in on this part of my story (God’s Story).

So, my friends, it is my hope and prayer that you will join me on this journey.

T_DR74756-Edit-Edit_low-rezammy Rude is a wife, mother, and women’s leader who is living a restored, Christ-centered life. Tammy speaks and writes with transparency using lessons learned through her struggles with marriage, motherhood, depression, and ultimately through her victory by God’s redeeming power. She enthusiastically presents practical Bible-centered solutions to the problems every woman and family face. Her tender yet firm style challenges listeners and readers to lay down excuses and confront personal obstacles in the power available to them through Jesus Christ. Connect with Tammy at her blog Not Mine but God’s Story  or on facebook.com/tammyrude


9 Responses to I Have Two, No…Three

  1. Tammy, as one who knows and understands your story–and as you know, lived my own, I know that God will use your openness to bless many women (and men), who are facing similar situations. The very worse thing is living behind the “secret” even after one has repented and received forgiveness. Whether an abortion or something else that a person has lived, I have always encouraged people to share as the Holy Spirit leads and to not be ashamed of their past but rather to give the Lord the glory in how you are living now and by sharing your testimony as the Holy Spirit leads.

    Love you friend and thank you for sharing!

  2. Your courage and strength is amazing. I am thankful God brought you into my world and I know God will continue to use you in ways we can not imagine. When He calls us to speak our/His truth the most freeing thing we can do is obey. Thank you for gathering the strength within your soul to obey his gentle nudge.
    Love, hugs, and prayers,

  3. I love that you listened and obeyed that nudge from the Holy Spirit. So many women have been impacted by abortion and feel shame. Glad to know that there are ministries to help them. We all have things we regret in our lives and satan loves to keep us in shame. But no more …

    Blessings and love,

  4. God blessed me by reading your testimony today. Every woman has a story…mine is different, but to me, just as difficult to share without the Holy Spirit to guide and open my mind with courage. Healing is a gift everyone needs…be confident yours will be a lighthouse for souls in need of a savior.

  5. Yes, in putting words to our stories there is healing; shame has no place where grace is present. I’m so glad for your strength and your witness, Tammy. Full redemption – to God be the glory.

  6. All I can say is “Wow!” I respect you for your obedience because we women need to hear this kind of message, that is to embrace the truth reflecting God’s favor on us so that the shame of the past, whatever the past, is defeated. God bless you!

    Much love and hugs,

  7. Thank you everyone for the encouraging words. My abortion was like a dark covering over my head and it wasn’t until the Hand of Jesus lifted my chin and my eyes saw the Cross. This is my hope for all of those who are still sitting in silence.

  8. I know this took so much courage to come to this point in your life!! I work at a crisis pregnancy center and see women frequently who are either thinking of having an abortion or have already had one or more. To hear the one who have already had abortions and have suffered much grief over them just breaks my heart! It is my goal to try and point as many woman as I can AWAY from the abortionist and TOWARD the Saviour! Thank you for your testimony!!

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