A Fashionista of a Different Kind

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By Belinda Bullard

There are memories I have of my childhood that are extremely clear in my mind—the times of playing catch with my father, of playing dolls with my friends, or the first time my mom taught me how to use the stove. Not all the memories are good, but nevertheless, they are clear.

There are other memories that are not as clear; these are generally places where I got into trouble with my sisters (said tongue-in-cheek), or where I might have been too small to fully comprehend what I seeing or hearing. My husband and I often laugh at how much we saw but did not fully understand until now—as adults—our perspective is totally different.

Then there is a different set of memories—painful memories. In some cases, divine intervention blocked them totally from my mind—at least until I had children of my own. Though my preference would be to continue in blissful ignorance, I am now left in the work of healing psychologically. I am now forced to wear my battle scars. Those conversations with my husband are not as comical; in fact, I find myself thankful for his willingness to just let me babble in my confusion. Why am I just now remembering this? And more importantly, why did I have to walk through this?

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12, NIV

When we walk through the darkest memories of our past—death, debilitating illness, abuse, addiction, rejection, ________________________ (fill in your own blank)—we have a choice. We can give way to the shame and guilt (aka “Did I do something wrong?”) that follows whatever came our way. We can allow our pain to leave us stymied and ineffective in the Kingdom; after all, this is what the devil meant to do. But if we embrace this Word, we must recognize that the attacks on our person are not strictly physical or psychological. That attack is first of a spiritual nature, and it is designed to keep us from our God-given purpose. The enemy knows that if we stay stuck, we will never step into the anointing that is given each of us to accomplish our assignment.


I still struggle with the “whys” of my life. I wish things were different, and/or that I had been different. I wish I had known the fullness of the verses that follow the one listed above; I might have responded differently with a better understanding of my own weapons (the helmet of salvation, a tighter belt of truth, etc.) But verse 18 of chapter 6 sums it all up for me—and for you: And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Moreover, Romans 8:28 tells me that even the darkest moments in my life have happened for my good, and Proverbs 3:3-6 tells me that I should trust God even when I do not understand the path. So I remember. And I sometimes wince as the images become clearer, and I even shed an occasional tear. But I bathe those memories in this one thought: I have an assignment. I have a husband who needs me to “have his back,” so to speak, through prayer; I have children to raise with a stronger spiritual arsenal than I had; I have friends to hug and lift up to the Father. I have to write, to create, and implement, and in so doing, to minister. My second thought is that the devil sought to keep me from my assignment. This latter thought makes me angrier than the attack itself, and for that reason, I choose not to remain stuck. I pray and seek the face of God as I press further into my anointing. Can I honestly say that I have never slipped and fallen backward? No, but I understand that I survived my hurts for a reason. Each day that I press forward is a day for me to reach someone else and share my victory in Jesus Christ. My task now is to wear my battle scars well.

Questions: How are you handling your battle scars? Do you wear them well enough to minister to others? If not, what might you do differently?

belinda with twist out march 2013Belinda Bullard is a wife to her best friend and a home educating mother  of three. Belinda is an author and the owner of A Blessed Heritage  Educational Resources, a literature-based history curriculum featuring  African-American presence in history, as well as the contributions of other  races to American history. A chemical engineer by formal education, she  also serves as adjunct faculty for college programs specializing in adult learning.    She is a regular contributor to Heart of the Matter Online and Home Educating Family.   Belinda blogs at Simply Belinda and Chronicles  of a Blessed Heritage

5 Responses to A Fashionista of a Different Kind

  1. I too have ‘battle scars’ and not all are from childhood. Sometimes I want to block them out but over the years I’ve discovered that Jesus is the One who heals me. In my brokenness, He is my healing balm. You are so right Belinda. There is a spiritual battle going on. I’ve found that I am able to minister to others who are going through situations similar to mine. With the comfort my Lord has provided to me, I can give to others.

    Blessings and love,

  2. I wonder how many will read this and, like me, think “she wrote this for me.” I can fill in the blank with so many different things!!! How I would love to sit down and hear so much more of your personal story!!! Thank you sister love, for touching my heart so!


  3. Debbie, Andrea, and Mary, thank you so much for your comments. You ladies are special and it is because of your hearts that I feel so free in expressing mine. Blessings to each of you.

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